Nasty, Brutish & Short

God Bless Texas

July 11, 2008 09:50 AM

No reason.  I just like the picture.

Flight Delayed for Six Hours Due to Three Ticks

July 9, 2008 12:37 PM

What a bunch of patsies we have become.

A Des Moines bound United Airlines flight from Denver was delayed six hours Tuesday when passengers alerted flight attendants to three ticks in the plane’s cabin.

“It is an unusual situation to find ticks on the plane, and we regret any inconvenience this might have caused our customers,” United spokeswoman Robin Urbanski said.

How the wayward arachnids got on the jet had not been determined. A replacement aircraft shuttled the 107 passengers to Des Moines while Flight 1178 was deticked and checked.

Urbanski said no ticks were found on passengers.

Thank God.  Thank God. 

Severe thunderstorms, meanwhile, further delayed the trip to Des Moines.

“I never heard of it before, but it is a serious matter, and they had to get plane cleaned up,” said former West Des Moines resident and passenger William B. Seward, 80, of The Villages, Fla. “I’m retired, so my schedule is flexible.”

"Also, I'm an idiot.  Did I mention I live at The Villages?"  God, what an moron.  "I'm retired, so my schedule is flexible."  What the hell?

A six hour delay.  I think I would have had to kill the three people who complained about the three ticks.  Shut up about the ticks!

I blame The Villages for John McCain, BTW.  Thanks for nothing, The Villages.  And while we're on the topic, check out the unintended hilarity of this headline:

Energy of McCain, 71, appeals to many oldsters

Maybe he should give a stump speech about ticks?

The Blogging Blondes. Much to my complete surprise, I know them.

July 8, 2008 09:19 PM

Well, one of them anyway.

I got a text from a mutual friend yesterday, all "you have to turn on the homer right now!" So I did. Since it was the radio, it took me a minute to figure it out. Especially because the blogging blonde was not blonde the last time I saw her. She looked better brunette, but I have to say, the new color suits her personality better.

I think the most amusing thing is, they aren't even blogging.

Local News, and the idiot's guide to beating the heat

tips%20for%20cooling%20off.jpg

Yes, take a cool shower, wear a hat, and of course, DON'T bathe your baby in alcohol.  Good to know.  Good to know.

Local WASP Curtis Sittenfeld to Publish "Thinly Veiled Novel" About Laura Bush

July 7, 2008 02:21 PM

How thinly veiled?  This thinly veiled:

A kind, bookish only child born in the 1940s, Alice learned the virtues of politeness early on from her stolid parents and small Wisconsin hometown. But a tragic accident when she was seventeen shattered her identity and made her understand the fragility of life and the tenuousness of luck. So more than a decade later, when she met boisterous, charismatic Charlie Blackwell, she hardly gave him a second look: She was serious and thoughtful, and he would rather crack a joke than offer a real insight; he was the wealthy son of a bastion family of the Republican party, and she was a school librarian and registered Democrat. Comfortable in her quiet and unassuming life, she felt inured to his charms. And then, much to her surprise, Alice fell for Charlie.

Radar has more scoop, and it's even worse than you might expect:

On the heels of two best-selling books, (Prep, The Man of My Dreams), young, Iowa-trained [ed.  Cincinnati-bred, her sister was in my class at Seven Hills, her dad Paul, is a principal at Baird] author Curtis Sittenfeld is about to release her most controversial book yet—a thinly veiled novel based on Laura Bush's life that is sure to send the White House into a fury.

According to Radar, the book describes "Alice's" trip to get an abortion administered by her grandmother's lesbian lover.  Since it's a "novel," you see, it doesn't have to be true. 

Here's another repulsive tidbit: It also describes "Alice" having sex with the brother of the boy she killed.  Now Laura Bush was in a teenage car accident that took the life of a friend of hers.  But of course, there's no evidence she had a relationship with the dead friend's brother, much less did this:

[H]e pushed me back against the mattress, straddled me, and leaned forward to roll his face between my breasts, pressing them against his cheeks and licking my nipples, his stubble rubbing not unpleasantly against my skin, and the more he grabbed and thrashed, the more the grabbing and thrashing seemed to stir rather than satisfy his desire. He pulled off my pants and underwear at the same time—I was wearing blue jeans, and he had to unbutton and unzip them first—and then I was naked except for my socks, which were white with lace trim. He tugged me upward and flipped me over, and when he said, 'No, you have to be on your knees,' it was the first time either of us had spoken in several minutes.

As far as thinly veiled novels go, I'd say this is clearly in the despicable camp.  It least Kitty Kelly used real names when she was making shit up, Curtis.

I expect the Seven Hills alumni mag will produce a fawning review.  I saw that because my expectations of my alma mater are so pathetically low.  Perhaps the book will be too awful, even for their standards.  But I doubt it.

UPDATE: Yes, I realize that for some inexplicable, blogospheric reason, you can't comment on this post.  I don't know why.  Sorry.

McCain shakes up campaign to reassure base...

July 2, 2008 01:28 PM

...trouble is, he's still confused about what his base is.  From Politico:

One source familiar with the inner workings of McCain's campaign said that the move came after a sluggish ramp-up to the general and number of unforced errors had left the candidate, senior staff and elected officials unhappy with the state of the campaign.  

"This will help reassure the chattering class in D.C.," said the source.

Oh good.  That'll get him elected.  I'm waiting for the chattering class in D.C. to start going door-to-door or working phone banks for McCain any minute now.  Especially here in Southern Ohio, where he sorely needs the help.  Not many locals are signing up, I can assure you.  Let's fly in those chattering D.C. people.  Heck, they've been reassured.  All it takes to win Ohio is reassured chattering D.C. people. 

Friday Fun: "Family of Faggot Fans Fly the Flag."

June 27, 2008 08:31 AM

People in the old country shur do talk funny.  The BBC reports:

The Doody family

The Doody family hopes to raise profile of faggots.

Apparently it's a culinary delight made from pork liver and pork.  Yum!  Mr. Doody says:

"The great British faggot is full of flavour and a great belly warmer at this time of year."

He must be so proud of his family, winning a "competition organised by faggot producer Mr Brain's Faggots."  Who wouldn't be?

Oooo, here's an idea... Mr. Brain's Faggots should see if they can't get their product to be the official food of the Church of England.  Think of the cross-marketing potential!